The Lenten Saboteur

My buddy Tina swears off chocolate for Lent every year.  This is especially impressive because of the mere existence of the Reester Bunny, a confectionary stroke of genius combining the perfect ratio of peanut butter to milk chocolate.  Now, I've never actually had one but Tina has never ever steered me wrong and I see no reason why she would start now.  I say all this because I have made it my personal mission to completely sabotage Lent for Tina.  I'm not sure if she believes that her soul will perish in smoke and ash or Jesus won't rise on the 3rd day or what but I have seen into Tina's soul and the truth is... she loves chocolate.  She hoards all the delicious Easter confections in high places where her babyhands can't reach and then on Easter, she comes over for ham and brings all those little damnable delights to my house.

I have been attempting to complete this mission every year for the last 13 years and I'm convinced that this is my year.  Yes, I want it that bad.  Some people prepare for the Olympics... I prepare for Lent.

I've culled and trimmed my list of temptations since the Holidays and I have found the perfect blend of comfort food and chocolate-y bliss.  I thought about going all in with something that requires a 23 step process and the requirement of an order for a specialty product from a remote mountain kibbutz outside Istanbul that produces the most exquisite cocoa product.  Alas, less is more.  And I find myself always waxing nostalgic for something that harkens back to my childhood and the post 4H meeting treat buffet in the Welch Church basement.  And so, I've determined that Emy Burt's* frosted Brownies are guaranteed to corrupt Tina's soul.

Emy Burt's Frosted Brownies

Melt in a large heavy saucepan:
1/2 cup salted butter

Meanwhile, combine:
1/3 c unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 c flour
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp baking powder


Removed from heat and add:
1 c. sugar
2 eggs, beaten
1 tsp vanilla paste

Beat in dry ingredients.

Spread in buttered and floured 8x8 pan.
Bake at 350 for 20-30 minutes.

To make frosting:
Combine:
3 tbsp salted butter, softened
3 tbsp cocoa powder
1 1/2 tbsp honey, warmed
1 tsp vanilla
1 c powdered sugar

Frost while still warm, though not hot or the damn frosting settles in the middle of the pan.  No, I didn't just do that either.

Tina,
May your soul rejoice as it settles in Purgatory.

*Sidenote: Emy Burt is actually my godmother though I don't acknowledge her for a number of reasons:
1. She spells my name wrong.  Its SaraH.
2. She doesn't know my middle name.  She is laboring under the impression that it is, in fact, Rose.
3. She includes me in a mass email for Christmas.  And I'm at the bottom after all her geriatric friends' names.
4. She doesn't know my sons' names.  She thinks one is named Kyle.
5. She says, "You look more and more like your mother every time I see you!" Ugh.

Big Diesel

Justin has a guy that works for him who introduced himself as "Big Diesel".  No Joe or Tom or Roy.  Big Diesel.  Mind you, Justin works in the tech industry and never, in any way, shape or form, has he come into contact with a diesel or fuel based product.  And, in fact, when I got a holiday card from Justin's team, Big Diesel was signed in all caps in thick, purple ink.  I imagine that Big Diesel is a tall guy with a large gut and closely cropped hair.  He probably wears his pants under said gut and strolls into work wearing a quilted flannel jacket and a pair for choppers.  He might say something like, "Its 5 o'clock somewhere!" everytime he has a beer.  I'm guessing he's a master griller and specializes in the perfectly prepared bratwurst.  Queso is his go-to party food.

So I ask Justin, "Does Big Diesel have a real name or when you sit down to sign a contract, does he sign it with 'B. Diesel'?"
"No, he uses his last name."
"And what is his last name?"
"Huh.  Don't really know as its just scribble." Justin ponders, "I should probably find out what his given name is..."

I frequently send baked goods to work with Justin as I assume that all the tech guys/gals who work for him are hopeless in the kitchen and everyone needs a little home baked goodness.  It turns out that Big Diesel loves this sweets.  I made an item called "Candy bar cookie bars" some time ago and he has been pestering Justin for the recipe ever since.  Ha!  Big Diesel obviously doesn't know me and my manner of hoarding recipes.  So, in honor of my pal, Big Diesel (who likely does not read my blog), here's the "Candy Bar Cookie Bar" which I sent on Superbowl Sunday:

In medium saucepan, stir over medium low heat until smooth:
Brown Sugar 1 c
Butter 2/3 c
Corn Syrup 1/4 c

Remove from heat and add:
Peanut butter 1/4 c
Vanilla 1 tsp

For crust:
Measure into a large bowl:
Quick oats 3 c

Pour butter mixture over oats and mix ever so gently.
Press oat mixture into ungreased 9x13 pan.
Bake at 375 for 10ish minutes or until edges are light brown.
Cool slightly.

In microwave, combine and melt:
Semisweet chocolate chips 12 oz bag
Butterscotch chips 1 c

Stir in:
Peanut butter 2/3 c

Sprinkle over crust:
Chopped peanuts 1 c

Slowly pour chocolate mixture over peanuts and gently spread to even thickness.

Cool completely.

Modify as needed.

Scowling Productivity.

I was up at 0430 this morning.  As I lay in my suddenly uncomfortable bed, I faced a difficult and day changing decision, I could continue to lay, setting the tone for my next 24 hours of likely laziness or I could get up, be productive, paste a smile on my face.  I settled on the middle ground- productivity galore, smiles nonexistent.

Started with Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins.  Before I share this recipe, I'm going to warn you- I don't like sharing.  Or rather, I only like partially sharing.  I found the following recipe in a Lutheran Ladies compilation of recipes.  This treasury was located, mouldering, in a decrepit box at a junk ("Antique") store.  Now, Mrs. Harold Schumacher may have known a few things about baking, but she didn't know squat about flavorful banana muffins.  So, I've made a few modifications (side note: "So, I've made a few modifications..." will be a very common theme every time I include a recipe.  I modify virtually every baking recipe but I never share the modifications simply because I don't often remember what I changed.  Also, back to the not sharing theme- if the recipe came out perfectly, I want a complete monopoly on that baked good.  I want to show up at a party with my perfect item and dominate all other goodies.  You may ask, "Can I have your recipe??"  My response, "Of course!"  The unsaid response, "Of course I'll share my recipe but it won't taste like these because I've made some modifications and blown Mrs. Harold Schumacher out of the kitchen."  Then, I want you to text me later and say, "Mine didn't taste the same!" and then I can invite you over for a batch and we can have coffee and talk about things unrelated to baking.) and the result is perfection.

Banana Muffins-

Combine and set aside:
Flour 1 1/2 c.
Baking Soda 1 tsp
Baking Powder 1 tsp
Salt 1/2 tsp

Mix:
Mashed ripe bananas numbering 3
Egg 1
Butter, melted 1/3 cup
Sugar 3/4 cup

Add:
Flour mixture and
Chocolate chips 1/2 c (OK- this is an obvious modification.)
Mix well.

Bake:
In greased muffin tin at 350 for, oh, about 17.2 minutes.

Cool:
For 5 minutes and serve with ice cold milk.

Modify as needed.

the pathetic follow through...

I'm a strong starter.  Ask anyone who lives with me.  When i decided to repaint my bedroom, i let out an enthusiastic whoop and moved all the furniture, spent $150 on premium paint and did all the rollerwork in one day.  Taping?  Not so much.  Brushwork?  Rather not. Cleanup?  Bahahaha!

Ideas come easily, motivation flows from my brain to my muscles and out my wallet.  And then, apathy.

Another example, holiday cookies.  When someone cleaned out the fridge and freezer (not me of course.  The very idea is laughable.), one may have found 5 containers of cookie dough ready for culinary creation.  "Sarah, do you want to finish up with this stuff?"
"Absolutely not.  The holidays are over."

I'm writing this brief blurb to prepare all of my 2 followers that I'm taking up this blog business again but not to get too excited because it may be many moons until I write again.  I know, you wait, hanging on my every witty word and the sun seems to shine that much brighter when I'm composing and publishing.  I have no cohesive subject, not food or travel, but simplicity of how-it-is.  So, thank you Duet of Loyal Followers.